Hiring help online is not as easy as you think.

The Wild Ride of Hiring on Fiverr and Upwork: A Comedy of Errors

If you’ve ever tried to hire someone on Fiverr or Upwork, you’ll understand what I’m about to say: it’s a jungle out there. And not the kind with cute, fluffy animals and soothing jungle sounds. No, this is more like the kind with wild, unpredictable beasts that you need to dodge, outwit, and occasionally bribe with bananas to get anywhere. My mission was simple: find some talented folks to help with marketing my tutoring services. What I didn’t anticipate was how quickly this straightforward task would turn into a full-blown comedy of errors.

The Low-Budget Blues:

Let’s start with the obvious: budget. I’d love to say that I have the financial backing of a Fortune 500 company, but alas, I am a humble tutor trying to grow my business without taking out a second mortgage. So, I turned to Fiverr and Upwork, hoping to find some reasonably priced talent.

I should have known what was coming when my first hire, a self-proclaimed “expert marketer,” delivered a logo that looked like it was drawn by a toddler on an Etch A Sketch. It was supposed to be a sleek representation of my brand, but it ended up looking more like a crime scene chalk outline. When I politely asked for a revision, the response was a sigh so loud I’m pretty sure it broke the sound barrier.

But hey, you get what you pay for, right? So, I upped my budget, thinking maybe a bit more money would get me the quality I needed. After all, you have to spend money to make money. Or so they say.

The High-Budget Headaches:

Enter the high-budget freelancers. I figured that with a little more cash on the table, I’d attract the crème de la crème of the freelance world. And I did… or at least I thought I did. The first sign of trouble was when they all started referring to themselves in the third person. “Mark believes that your brand needs a total rehaul,” one of them declared, as if they were a messiah come to save me from my own marketing inadequacies.

It became clear very quickly that these so-called experts were not interested in listening to what *I* wanted. Oh no, they had their own grand visions, and apparently, my input was just a pesky afterthought. One guy insisted that what I really needed was a 90-minute YouTube documentary about my life’s journey as a tutor. “People love a good origin story,” he said, with the confidence of a man who’s never had to beg teenagers to pay attention to calculus.

The Chauvinistic Circus:

Now, let’s talk about the elephant in the room: gender dynamics. It’s 2024, and yet, some of these freelancers seemed to have stepped out of a time machine from the 1950s. I can’t tell you how many times I encountered men who just couldn’t seem to wrap their heads around the idea of working for a woman. It was as if I’d asked them to perform brain surgery with a spoon.

One guy actually called me “little lady” during a project discussion. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about the details,” he said, which was right about the time I started wondering if I could reach through my laptop screen and strangle someone with a Wi-Fi signal.

Another freelancer flat-out ignored every piece of direction I gave. He kept reassuring me that he knew what was best for my business. Spoiler alert: He did not. After two weeks of waiting, he delivered a marketing plan that seemed more suited for a heavy metal band than a tutoring service. “You need to go bold,” he said. “Scream into the void and let them know you’re here!” I don’t know about you, but screaming isn’t exactly my go-to method for attracting students.

The Silver Lining:

Eventually, after much trial and error — and a few bouts of existential crisis — I did manage to find a couple of freelancers who were not only talented but also willing to listen. And guess what? They were a joy to work with. They understood that collaboration is key, that good marketing is about amplifying my voice, not replacing it with their own.

But the journey to find them was long and winding, filled with more potholes than I care to remember. So, if you’re thinking about hiring on Fiverr or Upwork, take my advice: prepare yourself. You’ll meet some wonderful people, sure, but you’ll also encounter characters straight out of a sitcom. Keep your sense of humor intact, stay firm in your vision, and don’t let anyone convince you that you need a heavy metal soundtrack to sell your services.

In the end, you might just find the perfect match — someone who doesn’t just work for you, but with you. And when you do, hold on to them for dear life. You have to spend a good deal of money on the Duds to finally get to a decent one so you may want to just go with a local web design agency in your area. however you find somebody hang on to them. They’re worth their weight in gold.